Thursday, March 13, 2014

Things People Say Prior To Having Kids.

Let me rephrase that, Things people say..including yours truly prior to having kids. Every now again, I hear and read opinions about how to raise a "perfect" kid. Things they would not do, say, subject themselves and their kids to do and so on. Before I had two beautiful girls -- I was expert on raising children ( wink wink). 






T.V and HANDHELD DEVICES WILL BE BANNED IN OUR HOUSE  ..----> okay let me start with this , The American Academy of Pediatrics and the Canadian Society of Pediatrics state infants aged 0-2 years should not have any exposure to technology, 3-5 years be restricted to one hour per day, and 6-18 years restricted to 2 hours per day (AAP 2001/13, CPS 2010). Rapid brain development occurs during birth to 2 yrs old and exposure to excessive handheld devices is indeed harmful. Excessive.  And I do agree on the cognitive delay and impaired learning it can cause when it is not regulated. It can of course can be addicting as well.

Articles about raising kids are guidelines, I agree that there should be more exposure to daylight or outside time but to refuse/ban or to give yourself a "note to your future self " or future children access to tools for learning is hyperbolic and hypocritical . MODERATION is my answer. Why yes, who would give an infant an ipad or an iPhone anyway? I happened to read an article about asking the government to ban the use of handheld devices , my jaw dropped. We don't need the government to raise our kids. We need our hearts , our common sense and our faith.

I would like to share this from Cooking Up Faith :

" As mothers, we all want our homes to feel save and secure for our family. We struggle and battle things with our children like too much video games, too much fighting, too much mess and clutter.  Rules and boundaries create structure…and kids behave SO much better with structure.
But without love as the foundation, kids aren’t thriving, they’re just surviving.  "

Truthfully sometimes giving your kid a handheld device or turning the TV on for about 15-20 minutes to just have a moment of peaceor to just have a decent and quick important  phone call or a bathroom visit is OKAY and more than normal. Not all moms and dads get the extra help they need.

Parents needs quiet time too.There are moms and dads who worked all day and they may need that extra 15 minutes to keep up with the chores , pay bills or  just to have a conversation without loud kids in the background..

There are great homeschoolers who uses these handheld device as an extra tool for learning too. We are in the age. Technology for learning is a necessity. Certainly not the only means for learning. However I also know that sanity and a peaceful mind is very important in parenting and we have to choose our battles. Every situation and family dynamic  is different.

MY FUTURE KIDS WILL NOT EVER BEHAVE LIKE THAT IN PUBLIC AND I WILL NOT LET THEM ---> Tell me if there are healthy kids that doesn't ever once in their childhood threw a tantrum in a public place ? Because if there is..maybe I'm in the wrong planet. As they grow up , they don't understand everything in their environment. They don't know why shopping for groceries is necessary. They don't know their limits on sweets and chocolates and parents say No because we care and we want to teach boundaries. They cry because they don't quite understand it yet. They don't like the word NO.

Tantrums can rise up because (a) they didn't nap (b) they are hungry (c) they are bored and etc. Whatever the reason maybe..it does happen ( at times can be avoided too? ..yes!) Let our kids be kids ( not disrespectful). Find the balance. We need to find the blance between letting then expres how they feel yet not letting them be disrespectful.  Don't expect a 3 yr old kid to behave like an adult ( Can I get an amen that some adults are still immature).

I WILL NOT LET MY FUTURE KID TAKE OVER OUR HOUSE ---> When I say take over..I mean letting them invade your living room with toys. Our living room occasionally ( not!) looks like a toy store. They love to play. One thing you need ( I learned) to tell your future self is that..kids grow up too fast.  That stage where they use your place as if  you were in " Alice in wonderland" or at  a Disney store with huge stuffed toys laying around on the floor or a build a bear workshop -- it will pass before you know it.  You will miss that!

NO ONE WILL SEE WEARING OUTFITS ( a.k.a sweats) LIKE THAT AND LOOKING LIKE THAT ---> Not getting enough sleep, we've all been there. I wish somebody would have told me that  so I could have at least cherished my nap times when I was still single. From the moment they were born, toddler and preschool..you will never keep up with sleep. From the baby's night feedings to toddler's waking up from a bad dream and late night "take me to the restroom" trips. Even if you only had a few hours of sleep , you will be amaze on how functional you can be and sometimes a comfy outfit does the trick! Sometimes , I don't care if I don't have make up on or If I have frizzy hair when doing errands. I just want to go home and get it done ( and nap ).

I WILL ALWAYS BE ON TIME WITH APPOINTMENTS AND NEVER BE LATE. ---> oh you will be..someday! You will be early and on time some days , other days ..you will be late. While planning will usually help and can get you ahead of things. You will have these moments with  kids --> bathroom trip just before you step out the door , missing shoes few minutes before you are suppose to leave , the fights with what sweater or outfits to wear , missing keys beacuse few hours ao lil baby was hewing on it  and so on .

We have a daughter that even though your wearing your best shoes for running ..as soon as she gets out the door she notices the beauty of nature in her own innocent eyes. She picks up leaves and sticks She counts them. Deep inside of me is screaming...to HURRY UP.  You know that quote that says..Stop and smell the roses.. well we have that child.


Parenting is hard.  It is a roller coaster of emotions.  Some days you'll say..Okay I got this!  Some days? You will  question yourself if you are doing the right thing or if you are doing enough. If you are mom enough.  It is humbling and very rewarding. You will never know what an honest to goodness , pure and unselfish love is until you become a parent.



 Tell your "future self " that when you become a parent ..

 You will love , protect, respect and cherish your child just like how our Heavenly Father loves us.
You will make mistakes and mistakes are okay for learning.
You are not perfect.
You will seek and trust God during the hard days,
thank God for the awesome days!
 You will support and NOT judge other moms, we all came from different walks of life.
You will parent with grace.

Remember that everyday, if we intentionally look for it ..our kids will show us what life is really about.






11 comments:

  1. When I was 15 years old, I made a list of what I was going to do when I was a parent, because I KNEW HOW IT SHOULD BE DONE....and my parents hadn't done it "right"!! Oh, how I wish I had that list.....what a laugh we would all get out of it now! Now that I have 6 children, I no longer think I know it all! :) Thank you for posting. Gentle Joy

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    1. Hi there! thank you for visiting, appreciate it! Honestly..I never thought that I will have kids of my own..lets just say I wasn't a big fan of kids when I was young...lol

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  2. Christina with a C (Mandeville) WhaleyMarch 13, 2014 at 10:13 PM

    My perfect children have "never" said they hated me, wished I was dead, plotted my death, misbehaved in public, had ice cream for supper, tacos for breakfast. Went to bed without a bath, with a promise to myself to get them up a little early in the morning, only to find, it didn't happen and they went to school with a "wh*re" bath. And super cute braids and lots of detangling spray hoping no one caught a wiff of their sweaty head. They have never had a harsh word said to them, out of anger or fatigue. Never known the swat of the hand from frustration or the sting of rejection, when Mom was just too tired to deal with them.
    I am the perfect mother, of a Grimms Fairy Tale... and I am so proud of my beautiful smart kind caring loving gifted humble social wee young (yes even my 27 year old all male son) souls full of love for God. Each has their own unique spirit and candor. Sense of humour and tenacity. Stubborness (what a Mandeville stubborn?) and strong will that would make poor Job look like a slacker. Yet in all their differences they are soo soo much alike. The thirteen years between them, only seems to bring them closer. As if they were twins at times. My Alpha and My Omega are truly my gifts. Those colored walls and spilled drinks, wet beds and runny noses. Stinky boy heads and tangled up girl locks, are all gone. They don't "need' me any more. And yet..they still make me want to be THEIR perfect Mom. Because they are the children God planned for me, and I am the perfect Mom for them.
    Gentle Hugs Khit ..you are the PERFECT Mom for your two beautiful girls. No one else could do a better job! xoxo

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    1. Hi Christina, thank you for stopping by and leaving me a message :) You are awesome! I'm taking it all in because they will not be little for so long..Lu will be in school soon. Mandeville stubborn? lol you always make me laugh..take care!! wish you all the best... wish we could meet you , your beautiful daughter and josh!

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  3. So, so, so very true! Parenting is hard. We all think it will be easy - and then the kids come out. :)

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    1. Amen! Thank you for stopping by..appreciate it!

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  4. Good notes to tuck way for "future-self". I think I've thought all these! lol. Good post, thanks for sharing. Visiting from Wedded wednesday

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  5. It's amazing how little we know until we actually walk a mile in the shoes, huh? Man, parenting is a life-long lesson and I'm still unsure if I'm doing it right and my daughter is almost 20. Thank God, we do our best and when we have beautiful kids that make us proud, we just feel damn lucky. :)

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  6. Great post! I have heard and been the one to say a few of these things and then been forced to eat my own words. Parenting, Childhood and life are all things we can try to control all we like but there are times when you have to simply react and adjust as it happens. You never know what situation you may be in that you said NEVER to. Thanks so much for sharing this with us at The Mommy Monday Blog Hop...

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  7. Ah yes. The things we say when we don't really understand what we're talking about. A good lesson not just on the topic of parenting but for all kinds of judgements.

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  8. So true! My 6 year old has an iPod Touch that he has to give up 2 days a week. But I let that slide every now and then. Visiting from The Mommy Monday Blog Hop.

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Thank you for stopping by and know that all of your comments are appreciated !