I must admit that curiosity made me say yes to reviewing this book. I have been married for 13 years now, have two girls (ages 12 and 9 ) and I can say that I do have a happy marriage. I am not claiming the absence of disagreements and misunderstandings but we have learned so much over the years. We are still learning as a matter of fact...learning how to intently listen, respect, respond, and prioritize. There were several times that we have mentioned to our daughters that our marriage is very important because without the marriage, without the kind of marriage God intends for us to have...our whole family dynamic will be quite different. It will be the true source of unhappy homes.
Marriage is very important to God. Just read the first book of the Bible, Genesis. God first established Adam and Eve's union. There are several marriages all throughout the Bible; Abraham and Sarah, Elizabeth and Zachariah, and Joseph and Mary. Perhaps you remember the story of Boaz and Ruth, how he saw her on the fields and promised to take care of her. Ephesians 5:25 reminds us of how God wants a husband should love their wives. Proverbs 31 reminds us of the qualities of a virtuous wife. Corinthians 13 discusses what love truly is, not just between husband and wife but how love should look like within the body of Christ.
As for my curiosity with this book, flirtation in my mind has very thin and can be a blurry line. We've been told flirting is inappropriate. Flirtation, in the purity aspect, can be perceived by conservative Christians as downright wrong. There are a lot of assumptions with pursuit and flirtation. As this book, The Flirtation Experiment says, pursuit and flirtation "contain a plethora of assumptions and expectations" (page xii). We are taught that it is the husband's job to pursue. What would this do in our marriage? If we only place the job of pursuit into our husband's job? What about flirtation? Is flirting with our husband biblical? The Flirtation Experiment, written by Lisa Jacobson and Phylicia Masonheimer does not only empower us, wives, to put spark and magic back into our marriage but encourages us to fulfill the kind of marriage that God wants us to have.
The authors of the book, Lisa and Phylicia are in different stages of marriage. Phylicia is married for 5 years and Lisa is married for 27 years. I love how they both have their own turn discussing each important aspect of marriage pursuit and sharing their own experiences with the "experiments". I am in awe of their honesty and their hearts, sharing vulnerable parts of their marriage but have the deepest respect as they opened up their desire to work in their marriages. After all, don't we all want to have thriving, exciting, fun, and loving marriage?
What the book is about?
The Flirtation Experiment is for married couples. Do I think that it is solely for wives? Yes, indeed BUT we can also get our hubby's involved too as you do the experiments. This book has the capacity to change the trajectory of your marriage but it doesn't promise you that it will change your husband overnight. Every marriage is different of course, and so are our husbands. The ideas provided in this book are fluid, customizable, and should not be your only source.
The experiments, I believe depending on your personality are not super hard at all to do. In my opinion, rather I say based on my experience it is usually the pride or ego that will get in the way. We are sometimes set on our own ways but there is hope as long as we prioritize our marriage.
The book is NOT A FIX for abusive marriage. This book will not change an abusive and narcissistic relationship.
I have mentioned important aspects of marriage pursuit and in this book, these aspects are:
Affection, passion, playfulness, kindness, desire, adventure, laughter, celebration, attraction, connection, vulnerability, mystery, affirmation, refuge, friendship, delight, respect, romance, intimacy, blessing, generosity, rest, thoughtfulness, comfort, faith. tenderness, covenant, hope, healing, and joy.
You might think wow that's a pretty long list. Like what I have mentioned, every marriage is different. You may work on all of them or choose and customize them based on what you think is best for your marriage. I say, pray first and seek guidance. On each of these aspects, Lisa and Phylicia took turns sharing their own experience and experiments. Each chapter is dedicated on an aspect and before a chapter ends, a suggested "flirtation experiment" is provided.
Is it biblical?
One of the things I love about this book is how they have explained the biblical truths in connection to keeping our marriages sweet and thriving. If you need to read the passage first before purchasing a copy of this book, start with Genesis 2:18, Genesis 2:24, Song of Solomon, Ephesians 5:25, Proverbs 31, and Corinthians 13. The book also provides a good explanation, drawing from the Bible how pursuing our husbands can transform both a husband's and a wife's hearts.
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