Before anything else, I BREASTFED our youngest daughter Lily until she was 18 mos. It wasn't easy at first..dang it hurts. A week into painstakingly non-stop breastfeeding, I went to see a lactation consultant. I am determined to breastfeed her because I want all the best for her like all mothers. I don't care even if I was crying or in pain, there's got to be a way. Maybe I was breastfeeding her wrong. After seeing the doctor and lactation consultant (thanks to clogged ducts) I know now, what to do.

I refused to take antibiotics and did all the homeopathic remedies I could..( and you could imagine). Fast forward now.. yes I am really proud I gave that gift to her. I know all the breast milk benefits..the bonding..the savings it offers, the time you can save .. just that precious bonding between you and your baby. I know all of that.





Now, with our eldest. I was not able to breastfeed. She was born through an emergency C section ( so much for my birth plan). She had a rough start, we call her a miracle baby. I was very blessed to be in the right hospital at the right time. Since she ingested a lot of meconium, she didn't have a heartbeat when she came out.

Fast forward a few hours later she had to go straight to NICU. I did not see our beautiful daughter until the 2nd day. I wanted to breastfeed. No matter what. But I couldn't. I felt helpless because of the way she was born, that was not my plan. They had to monitor her to make sure that all of her organs are working. They can't offer my milk yet and not even a formula. We had to wait for every "passed medical test" before feeding her.

I did ALL the best I can. We made sure to inform every nurse who took care of her and will take care of her to NOT give formula when she's finally given the green light to eat. I pumped the heck out my tatas. Every two-three hours. I've turned in bags and bags of frozen breast milk to the NICU. Going home without firstbornborn was the most difficult one. Even then we did not falter. We still kept the breast pumping session on schedule.

Even though she stayed almost a month in the NICU, not a single bottle of formula was given to her. We did a lot of trips to the hospital to see our precious baby and to deliver that golden liquid. I also did the best I can to offer the breast. Did the nipple shield... you name it  I did the best I can. When we got home, my husband and I tried over and over again to offer the boob. She just won't take the boob. That was a whole new level of frustration and helplessness I got really sad. There are times that I would blame myself and overthink what was I doing wrong. What would other moms will think of me? That I am selfish? or that I am not mom enough.

I wanted that bonding everyone was talking about. I felt like a bad mom. My hubby was a great support reminding me of how strong , good and determined of a mother I am. I am her Mom. I will bond to her.

When I see and read any post or message on social media about breastfeeding. It is one thing to be proud of it and to be an advocate of it..but it is one thing to just rub it in.  Not all mothers are fortunate to have that privilege, there are a lot of circumstances and situations where a mother could not breastfeed. All mothers wants the best for their precious baby. I am an advocate of breastfeeding  and I will encourage you to keep on trying even when it hurts..keep your eye on the goal even if all you see is just a drop of milk after several minutes of painful feedings.  What I will not support is the bashing.

Let us leave the bashing to those..who beats and abuse their children or neglects their babies.

To the breastfeeding mom , kudos to you. It may not be the right choice for some mom but it is the best choice. You are amazing ! It is not easy but I promise you that it is worth it. If you breastfeed in public , because you know your baby needs it...if you know that your babies needs is much more important than the people who might be offended when you breastfeed . I admire you.

To the mom who can't breastfeed , you are amazing too! You are not powerless. You will bond to your child. You are not failing. There are a million ways to be a good mother. Don't listen to that guilt . You do what you have to do for your baby and you. Being a good and awesome mom does not stop at breastfeeding so don't beat yourself up when your situation calls for a bottle. A happy and healthy momma matters too.