Wednesday, February 19, 2014

To the Momma who breastfeeds..Proud of you , But please don't rub it in.

 Before anything else, I BREASTFED our youngest daughter Lily until she was 18 mos. It wasn't easy at first..dang it hurts. A week into painstakingly non stop breastfeeding , I went to see a lactation consultant. I am determined to breastfeed her because I want all the best for her like all mothers. I don't care even if I was crying or in pain , there's got to be a way. Maybe I was breastfeeding her wrong. After seeing the doctor and lactation consultant (thanks to clogged ducts) I know now , what to do.

I refused to take antibiotics and did all the homeopathic remedies I could..( and you could imagine). Fast forward now.. yes I am really proud I gave that gift to her. I know all the breast milk benefits..the bonding..the savings it offers , the time you can save .. just that precious bonding between you and your baby. I know all of that.





Now , with our eldest. I was not able to breastfeed. She was born through emergency C section ( so much for my birth plan). She had a rough start , we call her a miracle baby. I was very blessed to be in the right hospital at the right time. Since she ingested a lot of meconium  , she didn't have a heartbeat when she came out.

Fast forward a few hours later  she had to go straight to NICU. I did not see our beautiful daughter until the 2nd day. I wanted to breastfeed. No matter what. But I couldn't. I felt helpless because of the way she was born, that was not my plan. They had to monitor her to make sure that all of her organs are working. They can't offer my milk yet and  not even a formula. We had to wait for every "passed medical test" before feeding her.

I did ALL the best I can. We made sure to inform every nurse who took care of her and will take care of her to NOT give formula when she's  finally given the green light to eat. I pumped the heck out my tatas. Every two- three hours. I've turned in bags and bags of frozen breast milk to the NICU. Going home without our first born was the most difficult one. Even then we did not falter. We still kept the breast pumping session on schedule.

Even though she stayed almost a month in the NICU, not a single bottle of formula was given to her. We did a lot of trips to the hospital to see our precious baby and to deliver that golden liquid. I also did the best I can to offer the breast. Did the nipple shield... you name it  I did the best I can. When we got home, my husband and I tried over and over again to offer the boob. She just won't take the boob. That was a whole new level of frustration and helplessness I got really sad. There are times that I would blame myself and overthink what was I doing wrong. What would other moms will think of me? That I am selfish? or that I am not mom enough.
 
I wanted that bonding everyone was talking about. I felt like a bad mom. My hubby was a great support reminding me of how strong , good and determined of a mother I am. I am her Mom. I will bond to her.

When I see and read any post or message on social media about breastfeeding. It is one thing to be proud of it and to be an advocate of it..but it is one thing to just rub it in.  Not all mothers are fortunate to have that privilege, there are a lot of circumstances and situations where a mother could not breastfeed. All mothers wants the best for their precious baby. I am an advocate of breastfeeding  and I will encourage you to keep on trying even when it hurts..keep your eye on the goal even if all you see is just a drop of milk after several minutes of painful feedings.  What I will not support is the bashing.

Let us leave the bashing to those..who beats and abuse their children or neglects their babies.

To the breastfeeding mom , kudos to you. It may not be the right choice for some mom but it is the best choice. You are amazing ! It is not easy but I promise you that it is worth it. If you breastfeed in public , because you know your baby needs it...if you know that your babies needs is much more important than the people who might be offended when you breastfeed . I admire you.

To the mom who can't breastfeed , you are amazing too! You are not powerless. You will bond to your child. You are not failing. There are a million ways to be a good mother. Don't listen to that guilt . You do what you have to do for your baby and you. Being a good and awesome mom does not stop at breastfeeding so don't beat yourself up when your situation calls for a bottle. A happy and healthy momma matters too.














19 comments:

  1. The Lord utterly humbled me in this area when we adopted our first baby after three biological children. I was completely unprepared for the judgement I received! The assumption was that I was a selfish, careless Momma who couldn't be bothered to "just do it." Holy cow, those glances (and words) hurt. Now I am far more careful when I feel myself starting to "assume." You just never know the REAL story!

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    1. Hi there! It is human nature to "assume"..and it takes a lot to avoid doing it too..sometimes we analyze what we see first. ..so I admire you for being careful. Thank you very much , for taking the time to leave me a message and for stopping by. I will be glad to visit your blog soon! God bless..

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  2. Thank you, Khit! Your story is similar to mine - my eldest was also an emergency c-section even though I wanted to give birth in a birthing center with a midwife. I couldn't breastfeed her, and my next two kids, either! I felt so guilty and like such a failure. There's so much judgement and it's so hard to feel like you made the right decision.

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    1. Hi Jasmine, Thank you for taking the time to leave me a message. I appreciate it. Yes! on top of the c section judgment that moms ( (who gets c sections) gets.. this is really an issue to me. We didn't choose to have a c section just coz.we want it. it was the right decision for the sake of our baby. Postpartum doesn't help either with the guilt. All moms who loves their children deeply are all good moms. Thank you for stopping by! God bless..

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  3. Thank you for writing this. I had my first child when I was only 19. I was struggling just to be a mom as I felt I was just a kid myself. I tried to breast feed for 2 weeks but gave up I was in so much pain and had no support and didn't know where to look. But now my son is 19 and an amazing young man whom we are very close today.
    I am stopping by from Sarah's homemaking party blog hop. I look forward to your visit at homemaker-mom.com

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    1. Hi Susie! I get you..being a parent is not easy by itself. Every mom and family has a different situation and we should just all be there for each other because as moms..we know what is it like. I appreciate you for taking the time to leave me a message.. I will be glad to visit your blog soon too. God bless...

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  4. So much mother love and nurture expressed in your post and the comments. Khit I am glad that the NICU supported you in providing the breast milk for your first born. I am hopeful that maternity care will become more and more helpful and supportive to new moms. Our health care system doesn't support new moms enough in the weeks following birth. As a labor/delivery nurse my heart goes out to women that have a rough start.

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    1. Hi Carol , we were blessed! They were a good support for hubby too..when he didn't know what was going on ( he was in panic when he heard code blue). They did show a whole lot of love and care for me and our baby then. They made sure to remind me too, that I didn;t do anything wrong with my pregnancy why things happened the way it did. and Lucy ( our eldest) is very well and thriving now at 4 yrs old. Nurses are just awesome. I have so much respect for you and for the care you give.

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  5. Stopping by from Serenity Now.

    Agreed---breastfeeding is wonderful but let's not make each other feel bad if one of us chooses not to or can't or weaned early or pumps into bottles or ETC. ;)

    From,
    A mom who pumped for a few months

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    1. Hello there! I appreciate your visit and leaving me a message..definitely..there's so much things to worry about in life or put our attention on to..judging each other ( fellow moms) should not be one of it. Every situation is unique..God bless.. I'll be glad to visit your blog soon..

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  6. A friend of mine was reflecting how she had been made to feel after her C-section which she had to have for medical reasons. Natural childbirth of course is best but for those of us who don't have the choice we need to not judge and be supportive to. I think this is the same for nursing too.
    Thanks for sharing at Essential Fridays.
    Blessings
    Mel from Essential Thing Devotions

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    1. Hi Mel. I get your friend. Though I did not received any direct judgement on my C section, however I do read several unkind post and comments about it on some groups and statuses. Like what you said, it iwas medically necessary. Thank you for stopping by!

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  7. It's amazing how opinionated we can be. What a great post to highlight the need to care rather than compare. I'm you're link neighbor today. Happy Saturday.

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    1. Hi Ginger! we are human and it is really hard not to raise our opinion and push our opinion on others. Thank you very much for stopping by, it is appreciated! God bless..

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  8. So sorry for the pain you have gone through.... glad for your tenacity in it. You are loving that precious little one and providing for your child - that is what God asks. It is sad to not be able to breastfeed - I have 6 children and was not able to breastfeed the 2nd one because of severe health problems.... pumped for several weeks, but finally had to give that up to tend to the job of keeping our son alive. I grieved over not being able to breastfeed, BUT it was necessary and was the plan God had for us.... That son is so precious....and healthy today and we are blessed. Thank you for posting your story. :)

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    1. Hello there! Thank you for stopping by..that is right? We have to do what our children needs. The judgement on today's society sometimes is mind boggling . There are important reasons why we ended up doing what we had to..but sometimes there are people who just choose to bash. Thank you very much..we are lucky and blessed!

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  9. I love this post but am so sorry for the scary start to your daughter's life. :) I can't imagine! Both of my little loves are adopted and many well meaning friends encouraged me to take the pill that makes you lactate, but I didn't feel comfortable with that. I chose to give my babies formula and even though I felt a little guilty, I knew I had to do what was best for our family. Great post!

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    1. Hi Sarah! Guilt..it is hard not to have that in parenting right? We do what we think is best for us and our children and with God's guidance.. Thank you for all the kind comments and the invite again. I am blessed to connect with you.

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  10. Good thought. Thanks for sharing and linking up!

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Thank you for stopping by and know that all of your comments are appreciated !