Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Old self..here's a colored balloon . Let the dull balloons go.

Have you felt like you were still being judged by your past ? I do sometimes , especially on what seems to be a regular conversation with other people, who would suddenly shift about my past. This has bothered me a lot . I had two conversations , both of them close to my heart. I shared  a great news that my family is planning for this year , when I was reminded of a mistake I made ages ago. That this "plan" is good because I left home early and the way I left home. You see,  I left home early , because I was a naive , impatient and irrational teenager. Teenager . I thought I wanted more in life. I shifted gears..and it was a wrong gear. With that conversation, I realized wow , how could these people who meant so much to me , remember me that way..not with WHO I AM RIGHT NOW. I am a wife , a mom , a sister and a friend. I am a good person.

I confided with hubby , and there were a lot of talks about this. He did shed light , along with prayers ..with my now sad and angered heart. I told him that during those years that I wasn't home , I was never a bad person. I understood my family .. the hurt and but never forced them to accept my decision..it came in time. I didn't turn my back for those who needed my help , I offered myself when service was needed . I was never a disrespectful person.  I told my husband how come people are too quick to forget on how good of a person you are and also too quick to pin point your mistakes in the past. My husband's answer blew me away.. he asked me " if I have forgiven myself". I gave it a thought , I said .." I'm on my way there.."
He said.. " If you have forgiven yourself ..these people who gives you this..shouldn't bother you."

Never a day went by that I wished I did some things differently. I wished I HANDLED some things amicably.. But then.. those bad experiences that I had shaped me to be who I am right now. I am worthy of the good life I have right now, I paid my dues emotionally. Every time , a conversation about my past would be brought up..I always ended up "over explaining " myself . Those days are over now , All people have a past. Mine  has always been an open book. I share with people to inspire .. So old self..here's a colored balloon.. let go of the dull balloons..the dull past.. let it go. You are good in God's eyes. Move forward.. and pray for those who can't let go of their "old self".

I can not seek everybody's forgiveness. If they can not look past those mistakes I had ( everybody's had , no one ever had a perfect past) , You can not then see how God shaped me to be the person ..the wife and the mother I am today. I was already forgiven by my Holy Father. I am not going to walk with a big cloud of guilt over my head . I will be reminded of my past. I can not control other peoples perception and thinking  but I know where I stand in God's heart.

Lots of Love ,

Linking with :

Time Warp Wife  , Serenity Now , Thrive at Home , Whole hearted home , Raising Homemakers ,
A Wise Woman Builds Her Home , A Little R & R

1 comment:

  1. What a powerful idea!
    Thanks for sharing at Essential Fridays.
    Mel from Essential Thing Devotions


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